Living on Tulsa Time

So, I made my first leg of my drive home last night. I am at my parent's house in Tulsa. Its always nice to be here, 1) because for some reason I ALWAYS sleep deeply here, I guess that has something to do with feeling safe and comforted and all that, 2) because when I get up in the morning my father always has coffee ready to go, ummm..., 3) I don't feel like I have to worry about anything with my parents around, and most of all, 4) I love my mom and dad and family dearly and I mean dearly and love spending time with them.

I have been away from Denver for nearly two weeks now. Its kind of strange to have been away so long. I really love my city but there has been little opportunities there lately to help me get "traction" (as Sally M. says) for my ministry so I have mixed feelings about it all. I guess I feel like if I had a spiritual community I was shepherding, loving, leading and caring for there would be something different going on for me in Denver. But as things are this isn't the case for me and so when I come home to the place where I found myself again I feel lost.

Perhaps that's the key for this city here, that I feel lost.

And Tim said that OK.

This past week I participated in a series of presentations at The Great Emergence Event in Memphis, TN. Dad and I, as Leadership Nexus, were one of the presenters along with some of the great thinkers and leaders is searching for the Truth of Christ in this postmodern (post-everything) world. People like Sally Morgenthaler, Tim Keel, Karen Ward, Nannette Sawyer, J. Brent Bill, Joseph Myers, Will and Lisa Samson, Nadia Bolz-Weber, Sara Mills, and many others were our fellow presenters.

Tim Keel's presentation focused on the impact spiritually, mentally, emotionally and biologically of being lost on any given person. He helped us see how when we admit that we are lost or feel lost that we are in a place where we really need to be and that one of two things happen. One, we either go crazy and stay lost forever, or two, we look for solutions to our new circumstances, are challenged by them, are changed and transformed and grow into a new version of ourselves. He talked about how God uses lost-ness to transform us, change us and challenge us to be more like the true self, the original image He intends for us.

God is glorified in our lost-ness. I know in reality while I am unsure of the lost-ness I feel right now, I trust, know and am assured that the Truth of God, the One True God, revealed to me in Jesus Christ and present in our world today through the Holy Spirit, is truly and deeply present in my lost-ness. I know, clearly know, that HE IS TRANSFORMING ME SPIRITUALLY right now and that He will change me, transform me more into His likeness with each passing and surrendered day.

It is spiritually clear to me that I am relearning to trust myself, trust others and trust my God to lead me through these changes in life. Trust myself is the biggest thing here because as I apply for jobs. I am scared that I will get trapped in the self-denial that had developed in my previous jobs (not self denial as in opposite of selfishness but rather self denial as in not allowing my true self to be seen or known) rather than allowing my true self to be seen and known and exist as a reflection of God's love, glory and faith in humanity.

I know this is what He is teaching me in this time of lost-ness and trust that He love will lead me through. The thing is I know I will have to leave this island of hope, this mountain of healing, this safety of the valley I have been in while living in Colorado, in order to move through this time and get free from my being a Lostie.

Love....