Well, there were a number of reasons but perhaps the greatest one was the fact that I quickly learned in my job interviewing that the interviewers were looking me up on google and reading my blog before interviewing/talking to me. And well, I wasn't sure what I felt about that. While I was glad they were reading my blog, I wasn't sure if I was comfortable with the passing of judgment on me pre talking with me. So, I had to deal with that and come to some understanding of that for myself. Here was my process:
First, I thought - "I didn't give them the blog address so how dare they look at it." But then I realized that wasn't why I wrote the blog, to hid it from people. In fact, I write this blog so that I can allow my self - my sometimes confused, sometimes seeking, sometimes confident, sometimes ranting, but hopefully all the time TRUE, REAL, AUTHENTIC self - this SELF to be revealed and open to the whole world. I guess I just didn't realize how much of the world its open too.... and that I guess scared/brought a realization to me.
That realization was this: do I really trust the "whole world" (since its the World Wide Web) to read and respect my vulnerable soul? or do I think that all this will only be read by all the people I know and trust? and is that really the way I would like to keep it?
My answer to this realization/question was yes, if I would really like to share my heart and soul on the web, I really do want to trust the whole world to read it with respect and proper judgment, just as I seek to do with other people's blogs. And if I can't handle the globe reading things then I shouldn't post. I want people to read my thoughts, rants, etc. I feel I have something to say and the only way to know if its anything worth saying is if people are listening.
So, I guess the hesitation/struggle I had with people reading my blog before interviewing me was the fact that I felt a concern that they were passing judgment on me and my fitness for a job based only on what was written here. I felt like I would like people to interview me first and then read later. However, that wasn't the reality of what could happen here. I had to come to an understanding within myself that who I am is who I am either on the web or on the phone. Either way people still won't see the full me - that can't come across in an interview or a scan through my blog.
So, I ask you if your are reading this, or just a blog reader in general, remember to take this as just a part, just a small something that reflects the journey and process of a person's heart, soul, emotions, etc. All that you get to see is a glimpse of the writer - understand that and take the time to really get to know them. If you aren't able to talk with them or develop a long relationship with them then please, be careful in how you pass judgment, know that you are only seeing one element of the whole self and ask God in His glory to give you grace and understanding in your reading.
So that's my two cents....
And now perhaps I will spend my time blogging all the things I have thought about blogging over the last couple of months...
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