...she breathes the air and flies away. She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses, in no simple language..." - "Love Song for a Savior" by Jars of Clay
Finally today Spring truly makes its showing here in Denver. While it is a little chilly, not a day I would like to wear shorts but am fine with jeans and a fleece, it is still a perfect day for playing in the park and laying out in the open fields of glory and green-ness at Wash Park. Denverites are outdoors people, we love to hang out outside playing sports, hiking, eating, being lazy, whatever, and we are out in droves today.
I got to the park a couple of hours ago because while I was on my way to some worship service somewhere I felt like God was saying "No, really, lets collect ourselves together while contemplating things at the park. Come lay with my in the sun and let my Spirit lead you." So, I changed my plans, got a big cup of coffee, a lunchable, some water and all my "hanging out at the park" gear (which I keep in my car), and turned towards Wash Park.
When I got there I realized why this was something so significant, so special, to do today. Christ was calling me to our (mine and His) open field. I realized today how many times I have come here and why. Spiritually and emotionally I have come here to healthy deal with things and lay myself before my Lord when I am confused, frustrated, joyous, full, etc. The very real, tangible example of full surrender can be found here for me. Let me explain why...
In the Fall of 2000 I was selected to be a part of a special, intentional community of leaders for 7 weeks. We were part of the Student Ministry Leadership Training Center through the Willow Creek Association. We were an elite group of people chosen from around the world (7 Germans, 2 Swiss, 1 Canadian and 8 Americans) who applied and were accepted into the leadership development program. The purpose of the program was to help teach us how to truly be and live out the communal nature of an Acts 2 church. We lived in host homes, served in community, were spiritually lead and taught by international leaders in ways that will and have always been spectacularly transforming for me. The real, authentic, honest nature of this time together has been one of the core reason why no matter how hurt I am/was by a church I still have deep hope for the Church. To me there was a very real and tangible element of what happened while we were together that will never be taken away. (In fact, even after 8 years we still keep in touch and are still sharing the deep affinity of our time together.)
In our opening session, after we went through orientation at the church, we were told how the leaders of our group were going to be intentional in our spiritual formation and challenge us to really look at how and where God was calling us. Our leader, Keith Cote, had this thing for Vision Trips as we would come to find out, and sent us out on our first one. We were gathered at a house with a large open field to one side of it and a small forrest off of that. He gathered us at the edge of the forrest, told us to pair up and asked us to wonder through the forrest discussing this questions: "What could you build in here?" We spent time discussing this with our partner and then came back together to discuss this with the whole group. We shared visions of grandiose tree-houses that stretched to the sky, creative wigwams canopied by pine trees and all sorts of hybrid designs honoring the trees by developing something around them. In our minds, we created great facilities that we were wonderfully proud of, but then Keith moved us into the field...
As soon as we had all gathered in the field Keith asked us, "what can you build here?" There was a pause, a moment of silence, then we slowly said, "Anything."
"You are right," said Keith, "Here in an open field you can build absolutely anything becasue there is nothing standing in your way." We were all silent.
Keith continued, "All to often we think that all is going to be OK if we just avoid it. We work around our problems in churches but never really fix them and we let these problems define who we are and how we will function as a church rather than how God would like for us to live. Sometimes the unhealthy part of all this lies within us, sometimes we are full of trees and shrubs that we are holding on to and in reality are preventing us from experiencing all that God wants and needs to do in us. Sometimes we are in need of having these shrubs and trees dug up, sometimes we think we have cut down the pains and struggles of our past preventing us from being all that God made us to be but the stump is still there and we still need to dig it up and pull out the roots. God asks us to be fertile soil and He will work with us so that we can become this. We want to challenge you over these next 7 weeks to look clearly into your heart and soul and look for the things that are preventing you for reflecting all He wants and preventing your church from being all that He desires."
With that he pulled out a bag of tent stakes with writing on them and dumped them on the ground. He told us to all take sometime to talk with God about what we just experienced, how was He moving through us and in us and how was He challenging us to clear out the trees and shrubs. For the first time in my life I cry at touching God's heart. For the first time in my life I felt the Spirits presence through the people and felt safe admitting my struggles and working through them. I was changed. When I felt ready I came to the center of the circle we had formed and picked up my stake. On it I read the words, "Whatever it takes, Lord."
"Whatever it takes, Lord," I thought, "Whatever it takes, I will do it, we can do it,
to be able to be the person you made me to be and lead how you have called. Whatever it takes." I took my stake and hammered it into the ground. I kept the stake and it has set prominently on my desk ever since then. Also, I have a picture of an open field that I passed everyday while in Chicago for those 7 weeks to reminded me to be an open field so that God can cultivate His goals and dreams within and through me.
Whenever I need to be reminded of this or when I am emotionally and spiritually struggling with something, OR whenever I am feeling called somewhere and I just would like to surrender to God about it all, I go to a field. I find some open field somewhere, go lay in the middle of it and allow my heart to feel the surrender and cultivating that I am looking for and need with whatever situation is going on. I did this today. I laid on my blanket in the middle of a field at Wash Park and surrendered,
"Whatever you want Lord, whatever it takes Holy Father, to build your Kingdom through me and further Your love, goals and desires. Whatever you want Lord, whatever it takes, I am open and surrendered because you are truly all I want. Amen."
After what I learned about myself and the others around me this last week at the conference I am completely in a place where my call must be greater than the shrubs in my open field that I feel are preventing me from doing what He wants of me. I can no longer just hold back because of fear. He wants me to be a cultivated open field that He can build anything in. I will let go and start to build...whatever it takes, Lord...
"In open fields of wild flowers, she breathes the air and flies away..."
